An Old Hag or my Guardian Angel?

I put a lot of thought into whether I would write about an episode that happened to me years ago. It reveals a personal issue I had in my past and what happened to me to overcome it, and still to this day even though I have since learned what happened to me is a known medical issue it still seems as if a guardian angel or something was looking out for me.

Growing up I was a shy kid, oh sure I had a few friends but I was not someone who made friends easily. This shyness carried on through my teen years and I guess that was how my drinking and substance abuse first got started. I am not a person who is comfortable at parties or gatherings. I mean I'm much better now but when I was young the only way I would relax or feel even half way comfortable was to have a few drinks. Unfortunately that was the start of me using alcohol for most any sort of discomfort in my life. Mix in some recreational drug use and by the time I was in my twenties I was a mess. I was that person that drank to get drunk and was also very obnoxious. Anyway my substance abuse carried on until about the age of 27 or 28 yrs old. I don't remember the exact year but I do remember the day.

The day was Dec 31st(again not sure of the year) I was home alone(again) on New Years Eve. I had planned to go to opening day at Santa Anita to bet the horses with a friend of mine the next day. On New Years eve sitting home alone and feeling sorry for myself I proceeded to get drunk alone as was my usual New Years eve ritual. Waking up on Jan1st I had a pretty nasty hangover but I was looking forward to having a few beers at Santa Anita so to wake myself up a bit I did a couple of lines of crank. If you don't know what crank is it's a low purity, crystallized methamphetamine that comes in a powder form. It's speed. In about 20 minutes I am wide awake,still hungover but ready to go. I call my friend and he tells me he is not going because he is too hungover. Well I didn't want to go alone to Santa Anita but man I was speeding pretty good by now and the only way I could think to come down was to try and drink myself down. I spent the day drinking screw drivers and as the day wore on I got very drunk. Well needless to say when I woke up Jan. 2nd I was a wreck and did not make it in to work I just lay around the house all day feeling like crap but did not drink or use. That night when I went to bed I set my alarm as usual and fell asleep. Now I don't know what time it was but sometime during the night I woke up and was lying on my stomach. It seemed very dark in my room and I could not seem to move. since my head was turned to my left side I was able to to see over my left shoulder and I could make out a silhouette of a person sitting on my bed with their hand on my back. I was terrified I could not breathe nor could I move but I could plainly see and feel a shadowy person sitting on my bed and looking at me. I'm not sure how long I was in this position, I'm guessing it wasn't long but I was finally able to roll over on my side and the person was gone as if they were never there. My heart was beating so fast I'm surprised I could not see it coming up out of my chest. After I calmed down and caught my breath I came to the decision I was never going to drink or use again. I felt as if I had just received a warning from God and that I needed to stop immediately. From that day to the day I am typing this I have not had a drink of alcohol or used again.

Now in the 20+ years from that day I have since learned of the medical condition know as sleep paralysis or by the lay mans term the Old Hag syndrome. But as far as I am concerned I was given a gift, a gift of life because in the years that have followed I over came many of the discomforts I felt as a teen but never gave myself the chance to over come and for those that know me now can probably tell I'm not that shy kid anymore. For anyone that reads this please feel free to share your experiences no one here will judge.